Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
