The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
