I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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