a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
