I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
