im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are we still banned from the library?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
