wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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