I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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