dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize