Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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