First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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