Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
