you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
