I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
