Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
