Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
