dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
