Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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