I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
