absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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