Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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