yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
