Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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