he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
