you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
