He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
