His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
