He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
