did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize