I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize