I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
