my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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