I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
