haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
