i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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