Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
