my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize