OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
