I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
