We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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