I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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