Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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