hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize