how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
