i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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