trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
