i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's like iHOP with fire
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
