Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize