We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
