the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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