so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
