so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize