I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
