Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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