She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
