Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
