Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
