Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
