Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
