genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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