I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
