"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
