Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
