Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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