ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize