i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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