Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
