sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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